Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
