you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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