Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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