i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
