I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Pants are for mortals
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
