the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize