he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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