I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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