There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
