Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
