Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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