Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
