Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
