I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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