I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
