He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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