fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
i think my cat just said my name.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
