Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
did you just send me my own nude
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
