Whats the glycemic index on semen?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
