I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
that may or may not have been my penis.
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