If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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