Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
