Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
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