ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
