He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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