cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
