chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
