If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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