Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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