he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Rumble strips road head = magical
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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