god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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