I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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