I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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