So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
40s are totally the cure
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
