Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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