He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i used baking grease as lip gloss
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
