hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
We are two peas in an std pod
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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