you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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