my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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