Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
