Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
