We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
