I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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