Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
