I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
