Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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