your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
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