I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
