Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
