Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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