My friends, they love my intelligence
I just pynch a tree in the face
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
What a dumb baby whore.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
