We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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