My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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