Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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