No, drunk sperm still make babies.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
