when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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